Category: Thoughts

I’m no expert in astrology, but it does fascinate me and I like to follow the stages of the moon and track how it affects me.  Some months it can be quite interesting. I worked as a bank teller as part of a bank management training program many moons ago (haha) and the running joke among the tellers was knowing it was a full moon because the customers coming into the bank would inevitably act in kooky and unpredictable ways that was unlike any other time of the month. It’s a thing, I’m sure of it. How are YOU feeling in this post-eclipse full moon?

I know some of you are rolling your eyes and think astrology is plain hooey. And others may be fully on board. And some of you are intrigued. Well, I kinda vacillate among all three of those places at various times, but right now I’m in a “fully on board” place mostly due to what I am noticing around this recent solar eclipse. Beyond all the hype — I mean tuning in to how I’ve been FEELING lately.  I always struggle with feeling overwhelmed, but recently it’s felt different.  More like an excited overwhelm.  Like, “oh I know I can’t possibly get it all done, but I’m going to have fun doing what I can.”  That is truly new territory for me.

What I am learning about this solar eclipse time (the impacts of which go way beyond the actual event), is that it represents a merging of the shadow and the light as well as the masculine and feminine qualities within all of us.  Can you see how this is playing out in our world?  How about in yourself?  When my astrologer informed me this is the time to purge all that no longer serves me, I knew it was time and I felt ready.  I’m going closet by closet and drawer by drawer.  It may take me a LONG TIME, but I am committed to the effort.

I am also using this eclipse season to take inventory of what is in my psyche that no longer serves me.  Hmmm, where should I begin – fear of being seen, fear of looking bad, fear of being judged, feeling not enough, blah, blah, blah.  What would it feel like to actually be able to release all of these? It has been and continues to be a process, but I feel it picking up in intensity now and I am reluctantly on board and am staying open to the new possibilities it will bring. What beliefs do you need to let go of?  One way to explore this is to look at one disempowering belief that you have and craft a statement that says the opposite and put this as an affirmation someplace where you will see it everyday.  Read it everyday for one month and notice how you feel.

There are lots of ways to clear out your inner clutter, but you must first have the courage to identify what that clutter actually is. You may be so accustomed to saying negative things to yourself that you don’t even realize you are doing it. Identify the negative belief, identify what the new belief COULD be, then choose to take that belief on as an experiment to see what affect it has on you. You always have the option open to go back to the old belief if you are really attached to it.  My guess is you will choose differently or at least have more awareness to catch yourself more often.

For me, this truly is a practice, just like my yoga and meditation practice, and is an ongoing work in progress.  Some days feel like epic fails and others not, and I keep recommitting to the practice.  If you find you have more time to yourself now that school is back in session, what are the new practices or new ways of being that make you feel lighter, happier or peaceful? Take the time to identify what truly feeds you.  And do more of that.

As we enter the final stretch of the school year, many of you are feeling the strain of the annual IEP review process. This likely also includes the often stressful task of determining what, if any, programming your child will be offered over the summer. This is a difficult process. I know I dreaded it each year. It is an extremely demanding and emotionally draining process –preparing for the meetings, the often contentious meetings themselves, the follow up afterwards and need for copious note taking and tracking of what was said at the meetings. You are deeply INVESTED in the success of these meetings because it feels like the success of your child is hinging on it.

It’s not.

Yes, the programming, schedule, therapies, teachers, curriculum, social supports, etc., etc., are all very important. But they are not the MOST important. What is most important is that you are acknowledging how stressful the process is, how deeply you want your child to succeed, and the importance of healthy balance and perspective. Are you sharing how challenging this all is with anyone else, or are you emotionally holding it all on your own?

When I reflect back on my mothering while my daughter was in school, I fell victim to the “I’ve got this” syndrome. Thinking I didn’t need to bother anyone else with my challenges and kept it all locked up inside, and not caring for myself.

If this is you, I invite you to find another way. Share deeply with your husband how hard this is for you. Call on a compassionate friend who will support you. And if you don’t want suggestions for how to “fix” it – gently tell them so in advance and say you just need to vent. Write in a journal – and really let it all out. Find a great therapist or coach who will hold sacred space for you to share. Get the 1:1 support you need.

And there’s more you can do to care for yourself – get to bed earlier for a full night’s sleep, choose more fruits and vegies over chocolate, wine or cookies, take a walk outside with a friend, and drink as much water as you can. Of course I’ll add including a yoga practice and some mind calming meditation as additional foundational self loving practices.

You know all this. – I’m just here to remind you. I dare you to make yourself a priority.

I loved prom. I loved every single bit of it. I’m sure not everyone loved their prom, but mine was a blast. And I so wanted my daughter with Down syndrome to experience this rite of passage just like her peers. I wasn’t sure how to help make this happen as being her escort would require a special young man. I met with Cara’s teacher and enlisted her help. I asked her to see if she could speak to a few of the juniors and seniors she knew to find someone who would be willing to take Cara to prom. I was so afraid the answer would be no. I was terrified to feel that rejection for my daughter and feared it would be so painful for her (and me) to see all of her peers talking about prom if she didn’t have anyone to go with. It was all the junior girls talked about and I so wanted her to be included.

So I prayed. And I asked the Universe to deliver the perfect prom date for Cara to allow her to have this special experience so she could feel beautiful, included and dance her heart out for a special night with her peers. He would need to be a special young man who would be patient and would roll with whatever Cara was going to dish out, as she usually has a few surprises.

And the Universe delivered. A certain young man I’ll name Mark was approached by a female classmate who knew both Cara and Mark. She told Mark that Cara needed a date to prom, and Mark happily agreed. All of this was happening behind the scenes. Then Cara’s teacher strategically and carefully offered the suggestion to Cara that she consider asking Mark to the prom. Cara knew Mark and she enthusiastically agreed. Phew. I should mention that Mark was a senior, a talented musician, a varsity soccer athlete, an artist, a top student, a Best Buddies volunteer, and his class president (not a complete list of his many accomplishments). Jackpot.

So the next step was to help Cara develop a high impact “promposal” to compete with the elaborate promposals that all the students choreograph — a beloved school tradition. It’s a big deal. So because Cara and Mark were in ceramics class together, Cara formed the word “PROM?” in clay and wrote an oversized card asking Mark if he would take her to prom complete with boxes he could check off for YES or NO. He checked YES. All done in front of the entire ceramics class, and everyone cheered. I saw the video, which was about the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen, and got to witness Mark’s genuinely charming reply and Cara’s pure delight at hearing his acceptance. These are the moments worth savoring.

I had a blast finding her a gorgeous dress (she hates to shop), she had her hair and makeup done (which she hated) and despite not being a girlie-girl, she walked the Grand March like she was a queen, waving her red rose in the air as she descended the stage steps. As I watched her with Mark so carefully tending to her as they climbed up and down the stage stairs together, tears of joy were streaming down my face And I’m told there were many other tears shed in the moment as well. as so many in the audience could feel Cara’s joy and her radiant heart as she proudly walked that stage with her handsome date for all to see.

It takes a village as the saying goes, and our village really pulled through on this one, consisting of earth angels known and unknown who all made Cara’s prom a reality for her. On that special day my girl got to feel the same as all the other girls felt – excited, beautiful, happy and included. And Mark? Our handsome, kind and generous hero, was gifted with the pleasure of my amazing daughter’s company for an evening, and her fellow promgoers got to witness some very impressive and creative dance moves. I call that a win-win.

My special needs mothering journey began at the Junior Miss pageant circa 1982.

I’ll start with a story. At the age of 16, I decided to enter our local “Junior Miss” pageant. Yep , as you would expect, a talent was required (I sang a song from Oliver), formal gown prance, (my prom gown), thankfully no swimsuit competition, and the obligatory interview with a panel of local celebrity judges.

During my interview, the question I received went like this: “There is new prenatal testing now being used called amniocentesis that reveals birth defects such as Spina Bifida and Down syndrome in a fetus in utero. If you were pregnant and learned through amniocentesis that your child had Down syndrome, would you abort or proceed with the pregnancy? My answer: “I would have the child, because a child with special needs has worth and is a blessing.” At the time I had been volunteering with my Catholic parish service organization called SPEC – “Special People Encounter Christ” in which we taught CCD to teenagers with intellectual disabilities. Prior to that I had had no real interactions with others with special needs as our parochial school could not accommodate these students. It was in SPEC that I developed a meaningful connection to those I was working with and a much deeper understanding of what value those individuals brought to my life and to the world.

Fast forward to 1997. The day after our first child is born, the doctor informs us that our newborn baby girl has Down syndrome. Yep. True story. Crazy world, huh?

Life can throw us some surprises, but sometimes we can look back at our life and see the signs (God winks I like to call them) that may have provided hints to our future. I certainly never imagined I would be a mother of a child with Down syndrome. And that little extra chromosome has brought me indescribable joy and endless self discovery as I’ve clarified what is now important to me and what is not. No, it is not the mothering path I imagined, and yet I couldn’t be more grateful for life’s unexpected gifts.